Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
