dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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