Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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