okay pat passed out under dana's car
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
