you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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