Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
