Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
