I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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