definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
