true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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