either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
