it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
