I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
