You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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