Ambien. No doubt about it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
