This house was built for laser tag.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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