Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
