When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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