The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
