Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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