everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just pee around me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
