Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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