I puked a lego.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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