so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
