those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
