His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
