Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Even my vagina gasped.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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