So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
