this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
