So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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