He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
