Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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