i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
