Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
