xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
