Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
