i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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