Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
