I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
