he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
