I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
