its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
