she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
