u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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