Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
