Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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