i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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