I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
