Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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