Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
