i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
