....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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