dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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