zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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