I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
