she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
