I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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