so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have fence marks all over my body
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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