No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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