I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
