I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
