I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
